Leave No One Behind

Hey guys, I hope you like my short book I wrote.


So, im planning to send this book to a publishing company. I am not finished, but tell me what you think.
Whether he was dead or alive, I leave no member of the pack behind.. Sprinting ahead, I bounded off one pack member and thirsted my teeth at him. Caught by surprise, he leaped back and tackled me from my back. I rolled around and bit his neck. An ordinary wolf. Spatting blood out, I saw other wolves around a member of my pack. Whirling around, I clawed them with each of my paws, shoving them away. Knowing that would not stop them, I advanced on the larger one and slashed him with my paw. He fell back with a huge blood mark on his face. Shaking his body fluids off, he rebounded back in and we both attacked each other. Blood seemed to splatter all over the stone ground as I ripped a chunk of flesh off his face. They both double teamed on me and I tumbled down in madness.

Whether I would survive was unknown.


After the Wolves fighting, I looked at my scorned Allie. He gagged out blood and shook his head in distress. I placed my paw on his side and howled some encouragement. The other wolves were dead. The lead wolf told me to move on but I didn’t budge. After all, they would not stay for one mauled pack member. I would; That’s the difference between me and the other wolves. Growling in disrespect, the rest of my pack moved on. The wounded Allie was getting up, his legs weakening. I spotted a rat crawling by and brought down my hand on the small animal. Whether it was good food or not, anything would help a friend. I skimmed it over to his side. He leaned down with no strength and scooped the dead animal in his mouth. Chewing the rat selectively, he swallowed and let out a deep cry. We obviously didn’t eat this that much, and if there had been real food nearby I would get that for him. But we were in a city Ally and there had been mice crawling in the garage scavenging what they could. We were in something of that position, only there were less variables for us to handle, eat rather. I scratched the garbage bag open and saw trash and rats scatter out. There was practically nothing to eat. My friend was gaining his strength. He was getting get up, more strongly this time. He himself searched through the trash and retrieved nothing. But there was a shadow going through the ally heading for us. He pounced on my ally . He tried to fight him back, but was not in top health for fighting. I slit my paw in his side and slammed him ageist the wall. Facing him when he was down, I mauled him with my paw and mouth. As I bit and ripped he was finally dead. I moved on and the wolf tried to keep up with me.

After some sprinting, he was now gaining his power back. I don’t know where my pack has gone and we are separate from them. I could smell my mates sweet smell This would give me a path to where my pack went. But it was mixed with pollution, and other smells that I can not Identify. A burst of gas was sprayed in my face as a car went by. I can say with great confidence that me and my Allie wanted to bark, but it would give away our position. We are lucky that we blend in with the midnight sky, otherwise we would not be able to make that much progress. I was sure that we bumped into someone but alas it was my imagination. This is good. Perhaps the citizens have left? No, this is New York City, there is always some one moving about, having something to do. My ally bumped into someone. Surly this was something else.. It wasn’t. The figure turned around and yelled “What the he_” Rip! We both seemed to obliterate him. Perhaps this would be good food? My pack member seemed to read my mind. He had already been chewing the body and this time he did not gag. He looked so glad, and purified. I dug in and started eating away. Ah! We can’t waste any more time. I took a last bite and ran ahead. Soon enough, I smelled the for filing scent of the pack. The forest was still far ahead, and we had to keep moving to stay awake. At last, the forest was at hand. The vegetation filled my nostrils. I was content, in my element. I proceeded more and saw corpses laying on the ground. Were they dead? I pawed over one wolf and saw the blood pour out. Were... They my pack? I saw distress in my friends eyes and I looked around more. “RAHH!!!” There was no other battle- cry then my leader. We kept moving and saw the wolf fighting off 3 other wolves at once, fighting with all his might. He would not be able to fight them off for a long time now, as he was getting sloppy with his attacks. Me and my friend struck 2 of the wolves, as they fell back. My ally was getting better with his attacks. He had already killed his wolf, as he helped the leader kill his. The leader was scorned, but still respected and elite. Something was missing.. My mate! She was giving it her all, as she tried to fight off the wolf. No, she couldn’t, she was not a great fighter like myself or the leader. But to my surprise she had already wounded it, and the leader swung around and slashed him in the face with his back claws. My mate joined my ally, the leader, and myself. We were the last ones left. Other packs were invading the forest.. I should have followed my pack leader.. But that didn’t matter now. There was a huge wolf, his lips were covered with blood as if it was a trophy. Corpse’s everywhere, and I recognized the scent of the leaders mate. His eyes were filled with fear as the huge wolf approached us. My ally attacked him first, beating him to the ground. That was not enough. The wolf sprawled back up and taunted him. Consumed with rage, he carelessly tackled and missed. With my ally down on the ground he looked up as the huge wolf bit my ally’s neck. I pounced on him from one side, and as if he knew I was going to attack, he swung his right paw at me and I fell back. The leader and my mate attacked as one, which worked nicely as he was double teamed. The wolves rolled around in the mud and slashed my mates face. She seemed to shake off the blow as she tried facing the wolf. She bit him in the ribs as the leader tackled him from the back. Roaring his last roar, he fell, dead. This had to be there pack leader, as it took so much to kill him. Ah, its about time the rest of the pack came over. There were 4 wolves standing still. Waiting for us to make the first move. It wouldn’t happen like that, my leader lets the enemy attack first. Getting impatient all the enemy attacked. My leader was losing his composure, as he ducked, a wolf whizzed overhead, taking of part of his scalp with his claw. I attacked that wolf. He was one step ahead of all my attacks. And I did not know how to stop him .as he was more crafty then my other conversaries. There was no wall to pin him ageist there was just the trees and vegetation that surrounded us. He finally attacked himself, and I fell back. On the dirt. Now he was offensive. He was beating and clawing me. My mate clawed the savage in the face, and he retaliated with a swift bite to the neck. I snarled and pushed him farther and making him more mad. Now he was no longer so composed with fighting me. He just wanted to kill me now. I used that to my at vantage. Summoning all my power and strength, I clawed him in the throat and plunged him to the ground., dead. There were wolves everywhere. I could not take them all on,, not even my diligent and elite leader could not take all of them. As a final strike, the leader and company sprawled in the mass of beasts, taking many down, but gaining more damage. I watched in horror as my Alys were taken down, one by one. I saw the leader claw all around him and hit something. Wolves were spit out of the mass, and jump back in. There was so much carnage... The leader leaped out of the mass and watched calmly as the wolves attacked. Each wolf leaped this way and that, barley missing the leaders swift stride. Every now and then a wolf would make its mark, and then get plunged ageist a tree by the leaders strong front paw.. The leader was making more progress this way, but what would happen to the wolves that would miss him? They would be behind him.. I bounded in the game and decided to cover the back of the leader. He glanced behind. And nodded with respect. My ally joined me on the back, and my mate joined the leader in the front. 3 wolves hit me at the same time, and I hardly held them at will. But a huge wolf hit me from the front and I dodged to the right and watched the huge thing drill in the dirt. He rebounded back and tried to tackle me again I let him whizz past me and claw him in with a back-swing of my bloody paw. He tumbled down and I finished him off with a powerful bite to the neck. Blood dripped down my mouth as I knocked down more. I bounded off one wolf and slashed another with my claw.




I woke up, and looked around. Wolves.. Where did they go? Did my own ally abandon me? No, I felt a warm tongue on my wounds. I turned around.. This was him. We were alone in the forest. Perhaps everyone was dead? Even the Leader? He was the greatest fighter of all of us, and that is saying something. But I wonder where the pack went. It seems the only ones remaining are me and my ally. A female wolf sauntered near me. She was so scorned and bloody I could not see her face. Ah, but the scent was familiar. This was my mate, no doubt about it. She playfully plopped on my back. Licking the back of my head. I shook her off and licked back. She knew that most of the wolves were dead, and if they were not dead they were hiding, very well. I looked in the bushes. There was a pair of glowing eyes. I pawed away the bushes and saw my wolf leader. I nuzzled him and licked a chunk of flesh that was missing. This is it. We would have to find new wolves for our pack, and new grounds. The lead wolf sprinted out of the bushes and told us to come with him. I would not leave him again. But it seemed there was no where to go. Park rangers were taking the bodies out, one by one. Were they making it a public area? Where possibly, the most carnage in New York City has happened? It seems so wrong. One of the rangers suddenly spotted us. “Look wolves!” “Quiet, you don’t want to aggravate them to you? Get a tranquilizer gun.” The ranger ran somewhere, and retrieved a gun. A charge pelted the wolf leader in the face. He was drowsy for a second, but then shook it off as if it was nothing. Now they were in for it. Taking out a dog- catcher hook, the ranger repelled the first strike of the leader, but then the leader clamped his jaw on the metal hook. With multiple tugs of his neck, the pole was thrown in the vegetation. Now he was defenseless. He tackled him in the motion of hugging someone, but he slit his claws in the back and then forced all his weight down so the impact was great. The other ranger shot more charges in his ribs, which did slow him down. It did not matter. My Ally and Mate had swarmed him and I finished the poor ranger. This was bad. If more rangers were to come, they would see bodies. This would possibly make the governor have more anti-wolf weapons. We are going to Maine, from the looks of it. We all ate the remains of the bodies and kept moving. We would have to wait till night, so we are cannot be seen as easily. The wolf leader nudged me with his paw. I glanced at him. He was in his usual fighting stance. He wanted to face me. We circled each other, and exchanged snarls and taunts. I made the first move, and slashed him on the side. He leaped up and drilled me into the ground. I rolled out of the way and bit him in the ear. He shook his head, trying to get the blood off. It seemed so irritating to him, I jabbed my claw at the same ear again and he roared in pain. Getting a running start he pounced on me and I fell around and sliced him with my back claw as he fell to my back. Remounting a more defensive position he watched as I dived at him. He walked out of the way, and clawed me from the ground. I unleashed my most powerful strike. Pinning him ageist a tree, I bit his neck until I tasted fear. He jammed his claw in my eye and shoved me back Howling defeat, he gave up.

I did not know I was in his league.


By now it was dawn. I woke up my ally and mate and hauled 2 rabbits towards them. They dug in, so satisfied.
If I offered anything to the leader he would probably turn it down. To my surprise, he took the rabbit and thanked me with a quick but secure nozzle.

The journey began.

Im thinking of making more out of it. Maybe a sequal.

[Supa Fool]

Not bad, but long enough for publication? Not really. :/

[insan3]

I didnt want to read it. but it was probably good.

[happylittleClayFox]

Book, nah. Short story, yah.

[gabrielwhist]

Get it published in one of those collections of kids short stories.

[gabrielwhist]

Ok, so a couple key pointers I'm noticing as I read:
You capitalize things that shouldn't be capitalized, ex.) "we were in a city Ally.
You need to run this through a spell check, there are many small and foolish errors.
It is hard to follow, the writing is incoherent. My suggestion? Look through the story, write down the key points, the skeleton of the story, and a few of your favorite lines from each part. Then scrap the story, and rewrite it with your best lines creating a framework.

Other than that, its a decent story. Nice first attempt. Keep at it, and keep writing more stories.

Originally Posted by gabrielwhist

Ok, so a couple key pointers I'm noticing as I read:
You capitalize things that shouldn't be capitalized, ex.) "we were in a city Ally.
You need to run this through a spell check, there are many small and foolish errors.
It is hard to follow, the writing is incoherent. My suggestion? Look through the story, write down the key points, the skeleton of the story, and a few of your favorite lines from each part. Then scrap the story, and rewrite it with your best lines creating a framework.

Other than that, its a decent story. Nice first attempt. Keep at it, and keep writing more stories.

thanks for the advice gabriel.

[Rabbit face]

wow I ae thats pretty good, but maybe use more adjectives, and big words if you're opting to go big, if you know what I mean, also, I wish I had as much free time as you

[Supa Fool]

Originally Posted by Rabbit face

wow I ae thats pretty good, but maybe use more adjectives, and big words if you're opting to go big, if you know what I mean, also, I wish I had as much free time as you

that's what I was thinking, more adjectives = better to picture the story

Originally Posted by Supa Fool

that's what I was thinking, more adjectives = better to picture the story

Krusty said the same thing.

[Nicky]

Needs more paragraphs!!! XP

[Natus Lumen]

If you're getting it published, send it to Australia to get it published because every other English-speaking country charges heavy taxes on book publishing, including the US.

Also, I wouldn't publish it as a book. Maybe...write some more short stories or develop it more. Right now it would probably make maybe a forty page book.

Nice concept, and your writing skills are better than some published novels I've read. If there's one bit of advice I can offer you, it's don't write in a formulated tone, which you've been doing a good job of.

Not trying to be rude Neverender, but if I been doing a good job writing in a formulated tone, why should I stop?

Originally Posted by NickyChris

Needs more paragraphs!!! XP

Hehe, in the big battle scene in the forest my brother was also complaining because it was "hurting" his eyes.

[gabrielwhist]

Originally Posted by TehCat

Not trying to be rude Neverender, but if I been doing a good job writing in a formulated tone, why should I stop?

I think it was meant as more of a "keep up the good work".

Also, I would agree with Neverender. Do it Philip K. Dick style, 10-20 short stories averaging around 20-25 pages = 200-500 pages = full length compilation = better for publishing = more bank.

[Natus Lumen]

Originally Posted by TehCat

Not trying to be rude Neverender, but if I been doing a good job writing in a formulated tone, why should I stop?

You aren't writing in a formulated tone. Just don't start.

It's just I read this book recently where...the plot was predictable, the literary elements and the humor were mediocre, his characters were combinations of ninjas and detective geniuses, and at the end of the day, it just wasn't a good book and it made you think, "Wow, since when was mediocrity popular?"

Originally Posted by Neverender.

You aren't writing in a formulated tone. Just don't start.

It's just I read this book recently where...the plot was predictable, the literary elements and the humor were mediocre, his characters were combinations of ninjas and detective geniuses, and at the end of the day, it just wasn't a good book and it made you think, "Wow, since when was mediocrity popular?"

Your talking about my story when you say this?

[Supa Fool]

*sigh* no.. he said that's NOT what he wants it to be, and he's happy it isn't. :P

[Rabbit face]

wait.... Nozzle?

[gabrielwhist]

He meant nuzzle.

[Rabbit face]

thought so.