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Old 01-31-2006, 08:21 PM   #1
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Default Chuck Norris facts

some fact every one need to know about Chuck

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the f%c* was that?"
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having *** with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... Suicide.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will f%c* you up.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. Embarrassed, NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more bad ass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has *** with a man, it won't be because he is ***. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
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