WTF?
05-01-2005, 05:10 PM
this is my story i wrote for english, it's a bit retarded but anyhoo.
oh crap, ive just noticed that all the "s are ?s, i cant be bothered to change them, so you can with your head.
the shaving
While watching a part of the movie ?BEAN? when Mr Bean is shaving and starts to shave his tongue, i was thinking of how dangerous shaving your tongue with an electric razor was, so many injuries could occur, big and small, so i decided to write this short story to make people aware that shaving your tongue is a very dangerous activity that should only be attempted by people who are, well, stupid to say the least.
Here is my story...
Daniel was your average 13 year old kid, lanky, tan, slight acne, baggy clothes, bruised legs, up for anything dangerous and not too bright.
Daniel lived in a semi-rural town near the beach called Cudmirrah.
Living at the coast all his life, going to the beach was nothing special, and he had rode his bike everywhere there was to ride,he had skated everywhere there was to skate, so life gradually got more boring as life went on.
It was coming up to Daniel's 14th birthday when he realized, that he was almost 14 and he had nothing to show for it, he hadn't got any awards, he didn't have any cool scars from anything amazing he attempted and he hadn't had an intellectual conversation with anyone since he met a hobo when he was 4.
So he thought, he thought so hard that he's head began to hurt, then he discovered a spider was biting his head, ?Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? ect. Went he, and that was it, that was the start of the one thing that would send the world into mass weirdness, for that was when Daniel got the idea...
?I will shave my tongue?
?Bzzzzzzzzzzwiowbbzzzzzzzzzwiowwiowiowiowchrplkukk aplkukAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!? That is the sound old a 13 year old getting his tongue caught in an electric razor.
?Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!? That is the sound of a 13 year old's mother finding a 13 year old's mangled body on the bathroom floor.
?Weeeoorrrweeoorrwweeoorrwweeoorr? that is the sound of an ambulance rushing to mangled 13 year old mangled body's mother's house.
?May god have mercy on us all.? That is the sound of and ambulance driver seeing the 13 year olds mangled body.
?Bip, bip, bip, bip, beeeeeeeeeeeeee-the defibrillator! bzzzwiop! bip, bip, bip, bzzzzzzwiow exterminate! destroy! destroy!?
That is the sound of doctors operating on the 13 year olds mangled body and the defibrillator bringing the razor to life and making it taking over a 13 year olds body so it wants to destroy all the hair in the world.
So that is how the story begins, strange eh? and this is how the story ends:
?Agghh! nurse Inchbold, call the dog catcher tell him to- aggh! come immediately, it's an emergency. Doctor Green, call the police, and
ms Bates, call an ambulance, this could get messy.?
?A simple operation turned into a mass panic this afternoon as a 13 year old boys brain became hostage to an electric razor-?
?Oi, old folks, gather 'round and look at this news report, i think we should help out.?
?The razor is believed to be a sleek Gillet brand razor, only just released, and will probably be sent packing early tomorrow morning-?
?Hey cartoon strip dude, come and look at the news, this will be the perfect opportunity to save the day just like those guys in the cartoon strips, and you will be noticed no more for your obese-ness but for you heroic-ness.?
?It is believed that when the doctors used the defibrillator on the boy it morphed the razor-?
?grandpappy, can i have a cookie??
?The dog catcher is on his way.?
?So are the police and the ambulances.?
?Thanks guy's, we need all the help we can-?
BANG BANG BANG BANG LET US IN, WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!
?What on earth is that??
?It sounds like a mob doctor, and they have cookies?
?Well let them in, maybe they can help defeat the monster we have created?
--------------------------the final showdown-------------------------
?Doctor,there is a scientist here to see you?
NOOOOOO! MY HAIR! MY HAIR!!
?Bring him in, i sure hope he has come to tell me the cure for the common cold?
?Hello doctor...?
?Colinson?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH
?Okay, hello doctor Colinson, would you like some cookies?
DIE FOOL!
?sure, i love cookies, do you have the ones with cream and jam, i forget what there called, ummm, turkey twizzlers, no, err, bob dole, no, anyhoo, we have bit of a crisis on our hands?
?Yes, i noticed, and thats why i came, i know how to stop him?
NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *CRASH*
?Really??
?Really. If we get an electronic pulse strong enough, we should my able to short out the circuits in the razor controlling his brain?
AAAGGGHHH!!! MY EYES!
?This better work professor, the sooner we sort out this mess, the sooner i can have some cookies?
?Don't worry doctor, your cookies are in safe hands.?
?Okay, let's go earn us some cookies, there should be an extra strong defibrillator in the cupboard over there, you can plug it in over there somewhere too. Ill tell everyone to shut up and not to move; OI! EVERYONE! SHUT UP! DONT MOVE! Okay, now you can-"
?For he's a jolly good fellow, for hes a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good felllloooowww!!!!! and so say all of us?
?The trauma of the shaving kid is over, as the hero of the day: cartoon strip dude saved the day, there was much rejoicing and praise towards the cartoon strip dude, not to mention cookies. Our new story for the week is that many doctors will be working hard to fix the many people's backs that got broken, fractured or severely injured after trying to lift the heroic cartoon strip dude.?
------------------------------one month later------------------------------
?And the award for the best news reporter of the year goes to.... Daniel Turmilty, for his excellent coverage of the shaving kid disaster?
WOOOO YEAH! GO DANIEL! WOOT WOOT!!
?Thank you all, this is such a great achievement for me, especially on my 14th, but if i hadn't cowered out of shaving my tongue, and made my friend do it, i would have never gotten this award. Some of you may question my getting on the news, so do I, pause for laughter, oops, I wasn't supposed to say that. Anyhoo, thanks, i know i will look back on this moment and wish this award was a cookie.?
fin
so what would you rate it out of 10?
oh crap, ive just noticed that all the "s are ?s, i cant be bothered to change them, so you can with your head.
the shaving
While watching a part of the movie ?BEAN? when Mr Bean is shaving and starts to shave his tongue, i was thinking of how dangerous shaving your tongue with an electric razor was, so many injuries could occur, big and small, so i decided to write this short story to make people aware that shaving your tongue is a very dangerous activity that should only be attempted by people who are, well, stupid to say the least.
Here is my story...
Daniel was your average 13 year old kid, lanky, tan, slight acne, baggy clothes, bruised legs, up for anything dangerous and not too bright.
Daniel lived in a semi-rural town near the beach called Cudmirrah.
Living at the coast all his life, going to the beach was nothing special, and he had rode his bike everywhere there was to ride,he had skated everywhere there was to skate, so life gradually got more boring as life went on.
It was coming up to Daniel's 14th birthday when he realized, that he was almost 14 and he had nothing to show for it, he hadn't got any awards, he didn't have any cool scars from anything amazing he attempted and he hadn't had an intellectual conversation with anyone since he met a hobo when he was 4.
So he thought, he thought so hard that he's head began to hurt, then he discovered a spider was biting his head, ?Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? ect. Went he, and that was it, that was the start of the one thing that would send the world into mass weirdness, for that was when Daniel got the idea...
?I will shave my tongue?
?Bzzzzzzzzzzwiowbbzzzzzzzzzwiowwiowiowiowchrplkukk aplkukAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!? That is the sound old a 13 year old getting his tongue caught in an electric razor.
?Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!? That is the sound of a 13 year old's mother finding a 13 year old's mangled body on the bathroom floor.
?Weeeoorrrweeoorrwweeoorrwweeoorr? that is the sound of an ambulance rushing to mangled 13 year old mangled body's mother's house.
?May god have mercy on us all.? That is the sound of and ambulance driver seeing the 13 year olds mangled body.
?Bip, bip, bip, bip, beeeeeeeeeeeeee-the defibrillator! bzzzwiop! bip, bip, bip, bzzzzzzwiow exterminate! destroy! destroy!?
That is the sound of doctors operating on the 13 year olds mangled body and the defibrillator bringing the razor to life and making it taking over a 13 year olds body so it wants to destroy all the hair in the world.
So that is how the story begins, strange eh? and this is how the story ends:
?Agghh! nurse Inchbold, call the dog catcher tell him to- aggh! come immediately, it's an emergency. Doctor Green, call the police, and
ms Bates, call an ambulance, this could get messy.?
?A simple operation turned into a mass panic this afternoon as a 13 year old boys brain became hostage to an electric razor-?
?Oi, old folks, gather 'round and look at this news report, i think we should help out.?
?The razor is believed to be a sleek Gillet brand razor, only just released, and will probably be sent packing early tomorrow morning-?
?Hey cartoon strip dude, come and look at the news, this will be the perfect opportunity to save the day just like those guys in the cartoon strips, and you will be noticed no more for your obese-ness but for you heroic-ness.?
?It is believed that when the doctors used the defibrillator on the boy it morphed the razor-?
?grandpappy, can i have a cookie??
?The dog catcher is on his way.?
?So are the police and the ambulances.?
?Thanks guy's, we need all the help we can-?
BANG BANG BANG BANG LET US IN, WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!
?What on earth is that??
?It sounds like a mob doctor, and they have cookies?
?Well let them in, maybe they can help defeat the monster we have created?
--------------------------the final showdown-------------------------
?Doctor,there is a scientist here to see you?
NOOOOOO! MY HAIR! MY HAIR!!
?Bring him in, i sure hope he has come to tell me the cure for the common cold?
?Hello doctor...?
?Colinson?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH
?Okay, hello doctor Colinson, would you like some cookies?
DIE FOOL!
?sure, i love cookies, do you have the ones with cream and jam, i forget what there called, ummm, turkey twizzlers, no, err, bob dole, no, anyhoo, we have bit of a crisis on our hands?
?Yes, i noticed, and thats why i came, i know how to stop him?
NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *CRASH*
?Really??
?Really. If we get an electronic pulse strong enough, we should my able to short out the circuits in the razor controlling his brain?
AAAGGGHHH!!! MY EYES!
?This better work professor, the sooner we sort out this mess, the sooner i can have some cookies?
?Don't worry doctor, your cookies are in safe hands.?
?Okay, let's go earn us some cookies, there should be an extra strong defibrillator in the cupboard over there, you can plug it in over there somewhere too. Ill tell everyone to shut up and not to move; OI! EVERYONE! SHUT UP! DONT MOVE! Okay, now you can-"
?For he's a jolly good fellow, for hes a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good felllloooowww!!!!! and so say all of us?
?The trauma of the shaving kid is over, as the hero of the day: cartoon strip dude saved the day, there was much rejoicing and praise towards the cartoon strip dude, not to mention cookies. Our new story for the week is that many doctors will be working hard to fix the many people's backs that got broken, fractured or severely injured after trying to lift the heroic cartoon strip dude.?
------------------------------one month later------------------------------
?And the award for the best news reporter of the year goes to.... Daniel Turmilty, for his excellent coverage of the shaving kid disaster?
WOOOO YEAH! GO DANIEL! WOOT WOOT!!
?Thank you all, this is such a great achievement for me, especially on my 14th, but if i hadn't cowered out of shaving my tongue, and made my friend do it, i would have never gotten this award. Some of you may question my getting on the news, so do I, pause for laughter, oops, I wasn't supposed to say that. Anyhoo, thanks, i know i will look back on this moment and wish this award was a cookie.?
fin
so what would you rate it out of 10?